


Long Live The Mole

by Temporarily



Category: South Park
Genre: Cute Kids, Humor, Short One Shot, Slice of Life, Stupidity, The Weirdest Shit We've Seen Today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 07:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15552441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temporarily/pseuds/Temporarily
Summary: “Only Mrs. Biggle would try to renovate her yard in the middle of fucking winter,” Stan remarked.





	Long Live The Mole

“Only Mrs. Biggle would try to renovate her yard in the middle of fucking winter,” Stan remarked on their way to school as he, Kyle, and Kenny approached the Biggle’s house. His friends nodded in agreement, and they all respectfully observed the massive mound of dirt dropped off by the kind of truck they’d find in the toy box in kindergarten.

“That pile isn’t going to last a day,” Kyle commented.

“Mmph mmm.” The thing Mrs. Biggle didn’t understand was, setting a ten-foot-tall pile of dirt out on the edge of her yard was akin to begging kids to come destroy it. The first thing all the children would do after school was head to Bradley’s house and swarm this novel anthill, plant a flag at the summit and fight wars over it. In the process, the dirt would be scattered to the furthest reaches of the block.

There wouldn’t be a clean patch of snow in the Biggle’s yard for months.

Or at least, this was to be the mutually agreed upon plan, if a force of nature hadn’t beaten them to it. The door across the street burst open and the Mole ran out into freezing temperatures shrieking, dripping wet, butt naked, and making a bee-line for the dirt. Gregory of Yardale appeared in the doorframe an instant later, firing paper blanks at him with a pistol and screaming obscenities.

“CHRISTOPHE YOU ARSEHOLE YOU GET RIGHT THE FUCK BACK IN THAT BATHTUB YOU SON OF A COCK-EATING BITCH OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL—”

“I PISS ON YOUR GOD! VIVE LA TAAAAAAUUUPE!!!” Christophe exclaimed, and he dove headfirst into the earth. The dirt pile shifted around for a few moments, a head popped out the top. It was coated with brown soil right down to the hair follicles. The only visible part of The Mole that wasn’t layered in loam were the whites of his eyes and his wide grin as he cackled manically. Gregory fell to his knees.

“No…” he whimpered. “No, I… I just got him clean…” The bystanders kept walking. Stan flashed The Mole a thumbs-up as he passed for making Gregory cry, Kyle glared disapprovingly at all the filth, and Kenny snickered over the whole incident. When they were a few houses down (still close enough to hear Gregory’s hysterics, he was firing his pistol and screaming again), Kyle asked,

“So where do you think that ranks?” He was of course referring to their ongoing list of 'Stupidest BS We’ve Seen This Week'.

“Pretty weird dude, but not much of a surprise. Kenny?”

“Mm mph mm-mm-mmph mf.”

“Makes sense. Six it is then.”

“…There’s not going to be any dirt left by the time we get out of school, is there?”

“Mmuph!”

"God damn it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I like to imagine the perfectly ordinary moments where they exist while the plot of the show focuses on other things. For all the characters that will never come back.


End file.
